Marrying And Taking Her Abroad; A Regret?
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is 1. How often does this happen? 2. Should a guy go on to take his chances? 3. Should he marry someone already abroad? 4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally? Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.
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Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.
Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.
How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here
Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.
These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down
Should he settle with another nationality?
Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaian, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours
The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started
Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.
7 months ago
Story of my life. True life story.
I am the kind of guy most women will not talk to. Yes I am ugly as crazy but I dress well. Focused on my education abroad. Studied well. Joined the US military reserve and work for a weapon company in the US. Time to marry reach and I went to Naija and married one fine omo. I swear over fine dey worry her. In fact if people see our two them go just dey wonder how she take end up with someone like me. I no send because I know I hustled for it and hustled to be with someone as fine as her.
Long story short..
3 years after she came to the US and became a US citizen. She left me with my daugter and there is nothing I can do about it here in US or even in Naija where I married her from. She's now married to another divorcee man wey tall and fine LOL. Life no balance at all. Now I am planning to go bring another woman for naija. Think! You fit end up for this my life loop.
7 months ago
Most people abroad are emotional criminals. They all want to get papers there. Now, when you come home, most ladies people turn emotional criminals also as soon as they hear it's an abroad person, and they are worse. For example, a good girl will be pushed even by her boyfriend or family to marry the guy, get papers, and divorce her. Lol. That's a good girl oooo..she turns a criminal instantly such offer comes. Have you not noticed that almost everyone in Nigeria doesn't see anything wrong with internet scamming? Seriously. Check well. They tell you that everyone doing it is a businessman, but the thief is the one caught. Even parents are arrested with their children these days cos they encourage and support the kids. Parents pray for their kids these days to be successful in yahoo business.
So, if you come to Nigeria to pick a spouse, they will want to take advantage of you also. It's an opportunity for them. Let me tell you the truth, the people abroad are criminals, the ones at home too are criminals. The only issue is that this abroad are with years of experience while the ones at home are just starting and give them 3 months, they act even smarter than the one with many years of experience living abroad.
So, wisdom is needed. You still have a better chance picking from Naija. But you must not show you are from abroad. If you can act as if you aren't living abroad, you can get a good spouse. Apart from this, I don't know oooo. People are desperate these days. Marriages are lies. Money is love now.
Let me advise you. You can marry anyone. Just pray for wisdom. Asking you to come pretend you aren't from abroad doesn't make sense. Just be yourself, open your eyes, and find a spouse where you are. Open your heart to anyone from any race.. white, Latino, Asian, black, etc. I even prefer Asians. Japanese, Chinese, Koreans, Thai, etc still have low rate of adultery.
Marriage is not what you ask for advice on the internet. This is the truth. You need wisdom to choose a good person..
You Nigerian men whine too much.
Marry the ones there, una no gree.
Marry foreigners, another wahala.
Come back home and marry, wailing.
What exactly is happening in a marriage abroad that doesn’t happen here? Or you are afraid you can’t batter her, cheat and pursue her from the home you both built?
Anything you see Naija men complaining of, just know their wickedness has been checked.
The ones with clear conscience and good character might have their fears, but they don’t go on and on about it like this.
The way you guys complain of Naija women, one would think your relationships with foreigners last for long. Abi how many old Nigerian men have you seen with foreign wives? All you’ll be hearing is, I dated one Kenyan, Spanish, Polish, British, Finnish… Why you no marry am?
Just hope for a good partner. Love, respect, forgive and communicate. Even on Mars, you guys would weather the storm.
7 months ago
I want to be totally honest here OP and anyone reading this.
My ex wife left me cos I had on and off jobs but my family supports me cos am the man I saw disturbing messages on her phone ,well she was cheating and never apologized for it, I would have traveled when my papers came but u was newly married to here and my mom filed then when I was not married and advices I rather come with my family I had a girl as at that time, didn't know the change of status will take time to process again.
To cut the story short
She left me 4years ago with my 2kids trying to reach her but not picking any of my calls.
My aunt in the USA tells my mom that she has no idea of what God has done for her son (ME) if I have traveled with her my life wouldn't be d same as USA favours women than men.
My papers is Almost through now, but my sister got the option TRAVEL WITHOUT which means I will be traveling in some few months without her (she thinks I can't travel cos her name is there and can't change my status to divorce cos she doesn't want a divorce cos she wants to travel to America Lol.
Now I have a serious relationship she respects me alot but she has no idea I have my mom and siblings are citizens I just decided to keep her in the dark but she shows me love and most of all respect.
Don't know if this one changes. My friends in the US advice me when I come over I should settle for a whitey even though I wouldn't have a problem with papers cos when I get there i 3months I would have a resident permit.
Are Nigerian girls trust worthy? Well my uncle's took theirs wife's to the States and are still living happy with their kids. Maybe is just this generation
I think the internet is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions. Giod might be using you to bless a woman.
1) If you want the Nigerian kind of marriage, don't travel abroad when married, stay here with your wife
2) If you strong headedly decide to marry then travel abroad leaving her here, accept the fact that as you're cheating on her, she's also cheating on you
3) You can't have a Nigerian kind of marriage abroad where the system and laws is fair to all and sundry, a system that does not recognise the machoistic, ego driven, head of the family, respect-submissive type of mentality you are used to here, equality is their watchword over there, no gender is above the other.
There is always an option of marrying a woman you met where you migrated to and readjust your mind to accept the reality that your marriage will more likely be along the culture obtainable there. At least, it would eliminate the man feeling he did a Nigerian wife a favour by bringing her over to his base. Marry who you met there, less surprises
I remember the stories of Lagos husbands of the 60s and 70s, where men who were based in Lagos would go to their villages and marry, leave the wife in the village with his mother to be giving birth, assisting with domestic chores and farm work. That taking her to Lagos will "spoil" her
Back in Lagos, after work he goes to then famous Caban Bamboo nightclub along Ikorodu Road to drink and shake waist with ladies that have already spoilt!
Some of you are very bad decision makers, that's why you think a woman you asked to marry you, who you promised to defend and "feed", a help mate, your second in command, suddenly leave her back home because you are scared she would turn against you.
If you have this mentality then your decision as a man is faulty. You married a "bad" woman because you are devoid of knowledge and sound judgement.
The moment I see/date/court a woman, I can tell (to an extent) what she can and won't do.
Any lady who I willingly take to the altar will be left behind because I'm scared of her turning against me if the opportunity presents itself to travel abroad. If while dating, I see that she can't be trusted, then why marry her?
Same thing goes for other areas of my life. Learn to screen people and sieve the wheat from the chaff.
In life always ask yourself what is the worst case scenario? Once you can answer this confidently, just prepare for it. Whether you marry Amaka from the village and bring her abroad or you marry Vivian that is already abroad, women have one thing in common, they can do and undo. Forget years of love, forget all the lao lao you've done for her, once a trigger is set in a woman, my guy forget about it!
The question is simple, will you be one of those guys that falls apart just because something went wrong or will you be a real nigga and rise above it? Don't let fear cause you to miss out on your soulmate, don't let fear engulf you with so much negativity that you automatically make every woman you meet an investigative case. It is okay to trust but only after you've made yourself comfortable with the reality of asking WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?
If you're not comfortable with the answer then you're not ready for marriage, for marriage itself is making yourself vulnerable and trusting that the vulnerability would not be used against you. If it is eventually used against you, trusting that you've prepared for it and you are able to accept this is just a reality of life, for all is fair in love and war my nigga!
7 months ago
Marry and let her remain with your parents for a year to study her true color before moving her abroad. That is the Top secrete.
Another way is seek legal advise. There are ways to go aboit about it in order not to be in her captivity in future.
You can as well do it the CR7 way ... Baby mama
1. Get someone that has the same value system as you. SAME not similar. She has gone through life & has her own value system and convictions.
2. Get someone that is not broke. If she hasn't seen money before or hasn't travelled to exotic places, she will eventually change when she sees money.
3. Get someone that isn't too attached to her mother or family members.
4. Get someone that believes in the conservative African value system of "wives, submit to your husband" and "husband, love your wife".
5. Finally, get someone who is accountable to an elderly person (not her family members).
6. Get someone from a stable home, where her family does NOT have any divorces or single parenthood prevelance.
These reduces the risk you are scared of, greatly.
NB: These kind of persons are rare and can be in Nigeria or Abroad. Location isnt the problem. The person, is.
7 months ago
Hell no !!!
Don't try dat shit with a Nigerian lady, u will live to regret it.
I repeat u will live to regret it
I know a lot of guys here in the US that regret it all. Women no be fool abeg. Don't fall for that shit. You dont have to marry a Nigerian or a woman living in Nigeria. Love has no race or color or qualification
The only type of gal u can take abroad and have no regrets is the well exposed gal that’s still remains humble or respectful.
2 A gal that’s gone through thick and thin with u and was still responsible and respectful.
3. A gals that already stays over there or frequently travels and yet has the attitude u like.
Don’t take any gals that hasn’t been tried and tested and she passed abroad or else the freedom and rights there will make her loose her senses.
Don’t take a gal that’s with u for the money abroad. It will end in premium tears when she makes more than u or has the power to take Everything u have from u.
Don’t take a gal that feels oppressed by guys or roles of guys.
Do not take an unexposed gal that ur mother chooses for u claiming she knows her character abroad. It will end in premium tears.
Don’t take a gal that is only submissive because she is dependent on u. When she gains independence u will be her 1st rival rather than ally or confidant.
Many guys don’t know why a woman is with them or they know and yet choose to be stupid.
7 months ago
When you guys marry white women, you cook, clean, care for kids and still work and pay bills.
But when you take an African woman who has been marginalised all her life abroad and she realises that women are respected over there and demands more, is that "misbehave"?
You want amaka to go abroad and be spoiling her lovely nails cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner 3 times a day, 7 days a week?
Or you want Abisola who's barely getting any dicking from you, to be praying and fasting and not to go outside and look for some, LIKE YOU DO? You think it's like Nigeria where you can shame her into submission?
For most of you abroadians, we already know you prefer to keep a woman in Nigeria where your family can press her neck if need be.
The day Chiamaka comes to obodo oyibo will be the death of your fragile ego.