Is It OK To Leave Wife And Cousin Alone In One House?

4 months ago257 views

Hi guys, I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please. Background I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks. Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about. The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria. The problem The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base. So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive. I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof. I need your opinions pls.

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Replies(10)

Anonymous

4 months ago

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Op. Are you worried about her shagging your cousin or other men? Cos she could do the two.


Regardless of whatever decision you take, your wife could still cheat if she wants to.


Even if you get your cousin his own apartment, she could still go there and satisfy herself. It may not even be with your cousin.


Even if you relocate your wife and kid with you, she could still cheat if she wants to.


So you can see that your wife cheating is not dependant on your cousin being there or she relocating with you.


It is about you removing the notion in your mind that your wife could give in to another man. And assuming a state of my woman can't cheat until proven otherwise.


All women flirt most women cheat. Just like you could cheat, they could cheat too.


In summary, remove the thoughts in your head about the likelihood of her getting shagged. There is nothing you can do about it as long as you don't find out, so why worry your head.

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Just bring in a smart and younger female domestic staff. This staff will be the one to update you on WhatsApp, of everything going on behind the curtain in your home while you are away.


If your woman rejects the proposal, just know that's a red flag, and she definitely has something up her sleeves she's up to. Plz never trust any NIGERIAN lady, not even your own mother. You should be able to vouch for only your self not any other person born of a woman...but you know what, you don't need to worry your self.its not worth it.. Dem no born your cousin well to make dat first move to woo her, if he tries it den she will report him to you. Bt infidelity will only arise if it's your own wife that decides to mess up your matrimonial home by given him the needed green light he needs to come have her all to him self...so if you trust her, leave her to God, if you don't, den get a domestic staff..my 2 cent.

Anonymous

4 months ago

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Hello mate,


Tbh, is something to do with your wife's lifestyle and likewise your cousin too! And then again, you've got free your mind on women cheating to avoid dying before your time bud.


However concerning your post above prior to my own experience, two things are bound to happen: either they turn best friends for life , genuinely or worse enemies for life.


I lived with my uncle's wife in Lagos for about a year plus under same roof whilst my uncle lives in Canada and a similar case like your cousin because I was actually looking forward to my visa then, too!


As a fresh graduate then without a job after my NYSC whilst she's with one of the banks there in Lagos. Omo you need to see hatred, started treating me like a poo as if I won't amount to anything in life, always complaining unnecessarily to my uncle just to build up hatred from him towards me too because I was looking forward to him in sorting my travel expenses. She completely changed as if I was dragging her husband's wealth with her but I am glad my uncle having spent 30yrs+ abroad, didn't give in. But I'm glad today, the abroad waka worked out and favoured me too! We're worse enemies for life. I don't give a Bleep about her and she knows that. I earn her monthly salary just on a 12hrs shift down here.


Moral lesson:


Naija women/ladies including my sisters, are terrible when it comes to their husbands immediate or distant families.


For peace and probably, averting a lifetime enmity between both parties, get your cousin a single room as suggested, if you can afford one please.


Cheers bud!

Anonymous

4 months ago

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

This actually happened to me. In this case, I was the cousin. We’re family members. My brothers mum is the elder sis to my own mum so I was living with them right from secondary school days while we were both teenagers. He’s 3years older than I am.


So when my cousin elder bro graduated from uni and get a good job, he moved out from the family house to get an accommodation on the Island coz that’s where he works. When I finished school, I joined him too coz we have been living in the same room as the only males as a teenager.


Before my bro got married, his fiancé used to come to the house and we gist like friends, we all do hang out together to catch fun and go places together. At times I drive our wife to be to the market or shopping malls in my bro’s car if he doesn’t feel like going.


When they were going to be married, I made move to leave but they said that I can stay. It was a 2bedroom apartment tho and we later moved to 3bed.


2years later, my cousin was transferred to Europe to work living behind the wife and me while working her visa too.


I and the wife stayed 6months together in the apartment before her visa was ready without anyone giving thoughts about rubbish or whatever. My own gf do comes to the house too which they know.


So it’s all about knowing who you married and the kind of brother/cousin you have. If you can vouch for them, so why not. Not everyone is immoral and useless. Some things are just so wrong without being told.

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Your wife is the issue here not your cousin


If your wife is decent and you trust her with your last breath, you don't need to panic


If she wants to sleep with another man, she will do so even while you are leaving in Nigeria


So even if you get a room self contain for your cousin to pack out, they will meet when they want to meet


So, just talk to your wife by advising her and that's all


Who go cheat go cheat

Anonymous

4 months ago

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Trust her? Yet still doubting her staying with ur own cousin not friends or outsiders oo.


If you cannot trust ur family around ur legal wife how much more outsiders and exes.


I think you should be more concerned about her exes who may likely play rebound ball after several years of separation.


Just leave your cousin in the house and plant CCTV cameras in hidden places in your house. Dey monitor your house from abroad. Your wife will still cheat if she wants to and given your distance it takes a very strong woman and a busy woman for that matter not to cheat. Just leave the guy man in the house and get maybe someone from your wife's side, possibly a guy to stay with her. Since it's a duplex then he can go days without even seeing your wife.


Is It OK To Leave Wife And Cousin Alone In One House?

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Bros, you can’t eat your cake and have it ooh. Your cousin is at a matured age with similar hormones. Same as with your wife.


Women will likely have a feeling with someone who “has always been there for them”. Cousin could be helping with a few things around the house and what stops him from helping in za oza areaz ?


To avoid stories that touch the heart, you and your wife should reach a middle ground and come up with a permanent solution. One person has to relocate and join the other ooh.

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Tell him to look for a room self-contained apartment around the neighborhood and pay for it to have rest of mind... That way he can constantly check on your wife and assist her if need be


I don't think a room self con should be more than 250k depending on your neighborhood ,£300 charity for your brother isn't too much especially considering his usefulness staying near by and to secure your home


Infidelity with a stranger or an ex is quite forgivable, but with your own blood and family , that would ruin your entire family and make your innocent children suffer from broken marriage and it's vices


According to Marslows hierarchy of needs regardless of who you think you are or your discipline level and self control... Your urge and needs sometimes are involuntary


Your wife needs Food, Sleep, Sex, Intimacy, Companion , security and no matter how disciplined she is she would seek it with someone close to her especially when they are cohabitating


Is It OK To Leave Wife And Cousin Alone In One House?

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

If he's sensible you don't need to ask him to leave. There's no way you can leave him behind to be a live-in relative with your young family. I'd rather suggest your wife's sibling possibly a boy should take that position. You can help him financially to move out and find a place. If he stays around in your absence, problems would arise mark my words. There's no way it would end well.


If you have 250k, maybe u can sacrifice it for your peace of mind...Give it to him to look for an accommodation.. he will understand...I believe it was financial issues that made it seem like he was not showing signs of going away... Give him that money and see how his spirit will revive....Please remember, do not give out of compulsion.... U do not owe him money... just a suggestion. 

FamilyLast activity 4 months ago

Even with no one under the same roof with her on a permanent or long term basis, does that really stop her from straying if it's in her books to do so?


Can't she invite someone in while you are away or step out to a lodge to do the do even if her cohort turns out to be this same cousin of yours?


Stop being paranoid over nothing for whoever is willing to stray or made up his/her mind to stray can even get the deed done right under your nose in your very before oga.


Be mindful not to mess up your mind and thoughts with negativities that could end up rubbing off on your innocent wife, please.

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