I Think We Are In The Future And This Is 2022. Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman?
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one. A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side. So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then. I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?
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3 months ago
Many pay their last due and burn severally candle night to attain the level of success they now enjoy. Unfortunately, this same people don't want to do anything when it comes to marriage, once there is disagreement, they kick the woman out and pick another or if it's the other way round, and the cycle continues unending.
This same people, if possible, can be eternally patient with that stubborn lecturer of theirs, or boss at workplace. But once it's their husband or wife all hell must be let loose, we are the ones destroying our marriages with little or no prompting from evil spirits. Let's return to God the one who founded, created, structured marriage and gave a valid signpost on how to navigate its terrain till we are totally bonded, blended, United in spirit, soul and body as husband and wife.
Standing firmly against the whims and caprices of the devil, one true and united nation under God bearing godly seeds and populating the world with them. Not the wayward, blasphemous, drug addicted, violent and corrupt minded children turn adult we now have in our offices or at the helm of affairs, who are oblivious of the virtue truth.
You need counseling to recover from your parents relationship. You've internalised another person's experience and that isn't healthy. Love and marriage isn't the things you mentioned so develop yourself, get to know yourself, conquer your fears, weaknesses, and all round mould yourself to the best possible version of yourself. Once you do the ground work then you will attract a man who has done the same and you will get what you want and deserve out of any relationship. Don't use your past as an excuse but rather a platform to grow from.
3 months ago
What's your value and worth in the first place? This is because I don't see how a sensible man will want to trash you from the beginning of a solicited relationship. Even ladies of lower virtue still have men hover around them and keep up the game of deceit until the end, but for yours to tell you from the beginning isn't a sign of sincerity rather it is a way of justifying his actions after using and trashing, after all he told you from the beginning.If you think he's been sincere, then ask him if he will ever get married and when, and why he doesn't consider you good enough for that position, his answer will tell you more about his mission. And I think you really need to be sober about this, cos that's the perception here. No offense intended!
Moreover, that your parent failed in their marriage should serve as an elixir for you to consciously, deliberately and prayerfully determine to succeed where they failed. Your parents failure shouldnt be an excuse for you to perpetuate that mess.
However to achieve this you need to find your way back to God as I can see your write up laced with self will, ego and ungodliness. If you tow the line of baby mama, it therefore means that your parent were even more successful and reasonable than you are, for no reasonable person will want to birth that bundle of joy under a misguided quote or appellation.
Personally speaking I think u are cos there are good men out there if u look properly.
2. Ur background should not define u. Many people have rough background bt have changed their own lives to reflect what they personally believe in not what they went through.
3. U want independence and control bt can anybody can have total control or independence? whether married or not? unless Ure not going to be in any serious relationship and ur partner will just be a donor? Is that the best situation for a lady? I will say A complete NO!
Only oloshos have no particular partner.
4. There are men who like independent women even in marriage bt to a certain degree which is reasonable and acceptable. Find Sm1 with similar mindset and don’t be too extreme.
5. If u have children outside marriage think about how ur children will feel about ur choice to birth them almost like bastards.(sorry to use that word). They also will not see anything good about marriage even if ur babymama life ends up not being any better.
6. How it will affect ur kids especially daughters. There are men who won’t marry a gal from a divorced home talkless of from a complete babymama. Unless there is a very good explanation.
7, if ur lineage never marries there will be no trace of ur lineage. It will be irrelevant and lost unless any of them makes a mark individually for him or herself.
8. Until u marry u have no identity. If ur parents never married u will not have a family identity. Just bunch or random individuals mass producing like chickens especially for women.
9. There is nothing like ‘Woke crew’ in not being married and having kids. Children must bare a name and have family identity.
Sure you are not.
Different strokes for different folks.
Do whatever make you happy and fulfilled , but don't live your life base on other people's life's mirrors. As long as he has access to his kids I don't see anything wrong in that model. You are perfectly normal. Just make sure your seeds are from one man not multiple men.
3 months ago
Watch-out for warning signs, of psychopathy, narcissism and self absorbed personalities. Especially the ones, that isolates you from friends, and family or wants you to be dependent on them so they have power over you.
Also watch out for the ones with anger issues, and also shady or mysterious characters, who hide things and lie every time.
Also watch out for the range of emotions, and how he sees the world and does he blame people for his failures (its a warming sign)
Finally my dear, watch out for personalities, that demean you, or make you feel good and then make you feel bad, they want you to depend on their approval.
I guess, you are an independent woman (meaning you value being self reliant), and its not wrong, there are men who love such traits.
You need to read good books on relationships to summarize it.
3 months ago
you will know if you're dumb when you're reaching late 50 to 60years
you dont know the essence of marriage at early 20, 30 and early 40's than seeing is as means of birthing but marriage doesn't determined birthing, it only guide two sensible person from avoiding controversy of birthing and birthing a legitimate child
having said that late 50's to 60's is a boring years for old people and they need someone to gist with around, if anyone is not available, your partner will surely be available because it's understandable you duo should have built your wealth before that year
the earlier you reconcile your emotions with your psychological traits, the better for you. don't use your bad impression to destroy those innocent kids
3 months ago
No you're not stupid for not wanting to be married. and your reasoning is as valid as it could be.
however my only issue is the way you say MOST Nigerian Men treat their women as trash... Which is not true. I believe it should say "SOME Nigeria men treats their wives like trash"... For the 15 years I lived with both my parents I did not hear them argue, not even for once.
See, I am not saying there aren't men that treat their wives as trash, they do exist. In fact an old neighbour of ours is a wife beater, I hear him time and time again beating, punching, and kicking his wife anyhow. It sucks, it's heart breaking and I remember even as I teenager I would tell myself whenever I become an adult I am going to beat the hell out of that man.
I am a religious guy... And even in the scriptures... Marriage is optional/choice, NOT GETTING MARRIED IS NOT A SIN.
SISTER STICK TO YOUR DECISION, AS LONG AS IT BRINGS YOU JOY.
Every time on the internet, we see videos of men proposing to women and being rejected by the women, sometimes after being slapped or assaulted by those women.
Now women have started playing on men's minds.
They would pay people to act these things so that it will appear that women are now rejecting men.
By this, they believe men would become desperate and would start proposing to them more, just to prove that they can still get women to marry.
Women are trying to create the impression that before women were desperate for marriage, but now it is the men who are desperate.
Trust women na. They have come up with this act so as to make men propose more.
Trust me, many men would fall for this.
If you really know women, then you would understand what I am writing.
They can manipulate you even beyond your conscious understanding.
Note: Women like following trend. Most women are desperate for marriage because other women are also desperate.
Now that some women have come up with this act, they do it to make other women to follow suit because women like copying other women.
Also they want to play on men's mind, to make it appear that men are now desperate. The aim is to make other men desperate because everyone like behaving like other people.
If they can get males to believe that they are desperate, then so many men would thank God that a woman has finally agreed to marry him.
So many men would also want to now get married because to get married would now be seen as a great achievement.
That's the idea behind all these videos of males proposing and being rejected.
3 months ago
You are not stupid for not wanting marriage, u never saw a good marriage and the negative things u have been seeing can cement your decision..u are also young and don't see the necessity of it, that's why u don't want to enter
But it's only when u seek to know that u will find.
People may print fake money but dosent mean people will not stop hunting for the genuine thing..so seek to know the reason for marriage and GOD will answer u..HE will bring a wonderful man your way that u can't imagine life without that person.
Kill that baby mama or fornication thought of remaining boyfriend and girlfriend forever..u are built for more so don't reduce yourself into a life of foolish decisions and heavy repercussions
A word is enough for the wise...reach out to me let's talk if u need more clarification
3 months ago
You are not stupid, you are Intelligent, considerate, thoughtful, and clear with your future.
Choosing not to marry or marry is okay, its up to you. I would not impose marriage on anyone, its not compulsory, However for a woman its a delicate issue, since she has many concerns, being married and having a career simultaneously. And you still want to have children, because as biological being, its inbuilt in you to do that at certain age. With the societal settings, there is also pressure to do so. But regardless, its up to you to choose.
I will advise you to build skills that helps you identify a man that compliments you. Read books.
Have a diary, and list out all the qualities you want to see, in your ideal partner. You may not meet someone who has all the qualities but he may have some important ones, that you really appreciate.
Also, build what you want, you're already doing so, you are focused on your financial independence, you are loving yourself, etc.
Build what you want in your partner in yourself also. Make Sure the man shares values that are similar as yours, or inspires you, and also watch how the man reacts to situations and how he treats other women, and people.
Yes you are right there are many hardship in marriage even if your husband is not double dating or beating you you have to do some works that make marriage not easy if your husband doesn't have money. Fetching of water, taking care of children together with managing your own business makes marriage uneasy
But the true is that you can't eat when you do not work for it. It is people that sweep the floor that floor clean for.
Those people that married had prepared themselves for their old age when they would not have Power to do all those things you called hardship. They would need their children to help them solve those problem because is like the have save down for that period. They would have someone to tell how they feel. They would have someone to fight for them, someonr that would say sorry to them, someone who would care for them when they are sick. Someone they can share the memories of the past with , someone people see and realized to be be the sing of responsible Those are their sons daughterd and husbands.
If you are afraid of marriage definitely you will reap it in your old age. Everything in life have time and moments .
If you meet your husband or your wife marriage is simple. Marriage is simple when wife know her duties as wife and husband know his duties as husband. When wife want his husband carry out her duties for her by Force or husband want the wife to do his duties for him by Force problem would or one neglected his or her duties and doesn't want he or she to get it outside from another person problem would arised.
Pray that God should chose for you instead of panicking of Marriage
There is nothing wrong with your decision my dear, you are perfectly alright so far it is something that makes you happy. I am beginning to like the current trend by Nigerian women who are defying the odd of marriage as a man-made thing not a divine obligation as some religion folks will want you to believe. One of my greatest turnoffs in Nigerian women is always trying to tie you down with marriage once you have a little affair with them. I've run away from many relationships because of this fact. There was a time when I was much younger back in the days in school that a lady tried to trip me into marriage using fake pregnancy, i only escaped by a luck. The issue of marriage always comes up when you are having the best time with a Nigerian woman and always spoils the whole fun for you. It is nauseating and distressing that if you cannot promise marriage at that point, she will think you are not serious with her.
I like women who can see beyond the societal pressure and social conformity, definitely your type of woman will be able to withstand any stress from family and friends. You should live your life as you are happy with it, nobody is going to make you happy except you. If you are happy with someone who doesn't want a marriage between you, then enjoy your time with the person.