Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of Me

2 months ago4199 views

I will try as much as possible to make the write-up short. I am a 21years old guy at a Russian university with two Nigerian roommates (In the hostel though). We averagely get the same amount of money as an allowance monthly, but mine always finishes first. I don't spend unnecessarily on myself, and we cook together. I discovered after two months of staying together that they care less about buying things that we generally use in the room. For instance, I always buy food season, detergents, and cooking oil (quite expensive). I cook most of the time. Anytime I decide not to cook, we always go hungry and I can't cope with that. This has made my cash always run out faster and I can't stop them from eating my food or using the things I buy. There was a time also I lend the last money with me (100k in naira) to my best friend then in Nigeria because he claimed his dad was sick and promised to repay by month-end. I didn't have anything to take me through the remaining days of the month but I gave it out because he was a close friend. Month-end, I couldn't get money from my sponsor because of some issues. I contacted my guy but he stopped replying to me on WhatsApp. I managed to get 20k but the rest is probably history now. Whenever people talk about their problems, I always feel for them to the extent of giving out my money even if it's the last cash on me. I have never had a girlfriend, but I don't always have the strength to reject if a girl asks for airtime or money from me (including my mum and sisters though) I always try to go to any length to see people happy even if it means borrowing money from another person for them. I'm that foolish. Generally, I'm too soft-hearted and nice but I don't know how to solve this problem. Someone advised me I should get a girlfriend who should always be angry with me if I'm being too nice to people and that will help me solve the problem to some extent but I think it won't. I'm not from a rich family, not even from an average family. I'm even from a polygamous home so I know what it means to have suffered as a Nigerian. I was on the street and I guess that's what is making me this weak emotionally. I'm a simp all-around in my life and relationship with people. People are always cheating on me, taking advantage of who I am. I NEED genuine HELP, please.

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Replies(16)

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

My son reported me to my pastor that I am too nice and kindhearted and people take me for granted too.


I have tried to be less nice and less trusting, but it is not just working.


I keep praying that this nature of mine will not keep landing me in deeper troubles

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Stop going to pastors, they are only after your money!

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

stop being nice to yeye people na!



Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of Me

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

You are not free yet you want to free others.


Free yourself first before you think about freeing others.


You lack principles and trust people more than you trust yourself.


You clearly didn’t inculcate the right values and it’s not too late to start before these so called parasites send you to your grave.


You’d better start taking initiative. Learn to say NO even when the person is dying. Save and put a cap to your daily or monthly spending. Open an investment account that you cannot touch for a certain months or a year and save for yourself leaving your personal upkeep money. I bet you’d not want to give this to your friends cos cos you’ll go hungry too.


Get yourself books on personal financial management and develop yourself.


But in all, don’t stop doing good cos it’s a virtue.


Goodluck in your studies bro.

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

You have not done bad, people tends to take advantage of people who are kind hearted.

I was once in your shoes but now i know every man to himself and God for everyone.

Do the following.


1..Move out of that room from your stingy roommates,look for like minds and if you can't find any,look for a very smaller accommodations that you can afford,the little you are able to save from feeding your inconsiderate mates can be added to your rent.

with that your things will last and you will have your privacy and rest of mind.


2.. Whatever you can not let go don't borrow people,if someone requested for ₦100k help,if you can afford give half,but never give all. Nigerians are professional when it comes to telling pitiable lies that will make them Scam you.


3... Always leave something for emergency,never allow pressure and what people say get to you.Even God seen we should love our neighbors but never love anyone more than yourself.


People with this kind of your attitude no dey see people help them óò when they required one.

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

Being good is nice. Being nice is often a nuisance, that only leads to one being ripped off consistently. Self mastery and conscious self-decision is better. It's the notion where one acts based on one's personal beliefs not by external influence

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It shouldn't be before great loss happens Trust me, I've been there. It's better he understands it now. Also, one doesn't necessarily needs to unleash the beast to tame such people. Setting boundaries is adequate to stem such from repeating itself over and over. Unleashing the beast within also disrupts and destroys the core of the soul which is why I didn't steer towards that direction. The goal is to deal with his problem in a healthy way that doesn't force his behaviors negatively but rather contain negativity of negative people without taking responsibilities for their baggage. He needs to act in the capacity within his own control

no matter what we tell him, he will remain himself. He's only going to unleash the beast in him at his own time or probably not. He's not stupid for being good btw. The people who pay him back with evil are the stupid people

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

Having a girlfriend who would be angry with you for being nice won't solve the problem. Women are selfish creations, she will only divert all of your niceness and concentrate it on herself. You will soon understand when you start having girlfriends or when you marry...


The problem with you is that you are still very young. I used to have the eagerness to solve people's problems but not anymore. I have learnt the hard way. Bro! Some people are in a difficult situation because that is what they deserve, and when you try to help them, it's like you are challenging God who has put them in that situation. Know this and know peace.


One rule that will always help you. Be moderate in everything..even in niceness! Be moderate! If you don't know how to do this, life will teach you.

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

I've been in your shoes many times bro. I'll advise you to advise yourself and be very careful. I was like that and had just 3 true friends who i could count on till today. But overtime people complained that i should have more friends and start building connections. Guess what? It was a disaster and I've been suffering and regretting same thing back to back until i spoke to myself.


You should understand that this country is not like before again and people are surviving not living again. They will use your at the slightest opportunity.


I'll advise you to make yourself, God and family your priority. And scrutinize people before calling them your friends. Most importantly for your peace of mind, never expect anyone will treat you the way you treat them. Know this and know peace

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

You're a good person. Unfortunately this world is rigged against your kind.


I can't advise you to become like the demons of this world but I will advise you to love yourself more. Before you help,help yourself first.


The world needs people like you. Be safe and stay good

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

I remember what one guy wrote on Twitter that made me start following him,’ No matter how sad their story may seem, never ever touch your savings to help!’ I was like ‘WORD’!!! See, na because life never teach you experience that is why you’re so unguarded with helping people, did you even know that you helping some people may even go against the bigger blessing God is bringing their way and also preventing them from developing their character?


Until those people who you helped become the same people that talk evil about you and decide to even off you, then my friend you may continue with this trend until you learn your lesson. No be everybody dem dey help o! Learn from an OG wey life don teach lesson.

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

Set a meeting with your roommates. Pour out your heart and if they're reasonable they'll change.


Do a calculation of what you guys spend of foods monthly and share the pay equally. Let them know you do go broke before the end of the month.


Also don't do pass yourself. Evaluate and cut how much you give as giveaway.


Broke people don't do giveaway but if you're nice, reduce it. Buy things you need immediately you get your pay.

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

OP I feel your pain honestly.. I'm nice too like to the core, and I feel everyone should just be reasonable and be nice as well (come on, it shouldn't be that hard)


But the truth is, we all can't be nice, we all came from different backgrounds.. Currently I've lost a lot and going through depression because of my niceness and I feel so empty.. the so called people I was nice to are nowhere to be found.. I'm currently developing wickedness in my immune system because I know what I'm facing currently..


For sure I will bounce back and when I do there will be no room for niceness because it will be only you that will bare the brunt.


My advice to you is this.. Don't let it escalate to the extent where you get depressed.. because I'm even loosing weight cause of it now..


You have to develop a tough will, don't wait until it gets worse just like my situation.. Not everybody can bear it... Think about yourself and love YOU more..coz you alone will be with your self althrough the joy and pain..


Ciao

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

You need to start caring for yourself first. Look at it this way, if you are not taking good care of yourself, you will not have the ability to care for those that really matters,


Who really matters are your parent first, then if you have a good girl-friend. That your best friend is useless.


Learn to know who is important and who is not important, learn to know when to help and when not to. Begin to know how you should be treated and dont take less.


There should be a balance, know when to be kind and when to be selfish.


There is proverb that says, the person who rushes to take surety for another person, will be broken   . This is why you need to develop your discernment, seems (I am wrong to write that - - - you were not taught that, but you can learn it, observe people more closely) you have discernment but you do not use it for your benefit, use your discernment as many times as possible, that way you will understand why you should always use the wisdom you have..


Your room mates are selfish and they don't value your contributions, it would have been better to stay by yourself, many Nigerians are selfish to the core, they dont add value. But they expect so much from others, when they dont give what they want


If there is a good place outside where you can eat, do that, and let them be hungry, and let me see, if they will not go and cook. or eat outside.

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

You need to learn more about character development, self development and better management principles. Google these terms the exact way i typed them, read on books that helps to build character and dose on them.


You're 21, this is the ripe age to invest heavily in your personal development and everything related to it. The time to begin to build your future is now. Do not sacrifice your future and resources on the altar of " we're in it together "


You sound and seem pretty much responsible and like one on a progressive path. Hence, you need to tag with people who roll on your frequency. This means, you should be riding solo whilst meaning such acquaintances you call friends as distant friends, not ones to pull close. Stop confusing people life brings you in association with as friends.


So why you have the warrior mindset and perspective of trying to get things together, resolve chaos and bring orderliness to things, you need to take advantage of your strengths, in this case, the ability to go solo, to leave the room, leave whatever cordialities binds you with these guys, get yourself your private space, and invest in your life, future and education better.


Find books by " Sigmound " and read up on where he spoke about the more people become conscious of their habits and attitudes, he more in control they become in charge of their lives ! Read, read, read. There's alot of materials to read up to defeat this weakness



The earlier you separate yourself from people who act and behave they have nothing to look forward to, the faster you are to your destination and goals.


Good Luck !

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

I used to be like u till I learnt how to be selfish. lol


Need I remind u even the good book "The bible" says love ur neighbour as urself NOT more than urself.


i had to understand the people I'm helping every single damn time are only being selfish bt continuously asking without considering if its actually convenient for me or not. Then u give untill ure stuck and the sad part is when u need such support u might get none.


So my advice is give when u can and don't give when it's not convenient for u unless if sm1 who reciprocate same energy when they equally have.


As for ur stingy selfish neighbors they think u have more than enough to throw away. Lean to demand from them even when u have cos that's what they are doing. Demanding from u when they have. They will immediately understand ure no mare stupid.


When cooking loud it that everyone should contribute cos u don't have enough to it so everyone can eat it together. If u don't ask them they will think u can do it alone.


After announcing if they don't support do it and don't share with their asses the next time they will accept to contribute.


Be nice bt not to the wrong people everytime or else ure being exploited.

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

This world will take undue advantage of your kind. You need to always put yourself first. Trust me when shit hits the fan, only you gat your back.


Your heart must strong to survive in this world. Boss man you need to wake up, people don't care about you when you are nothing. see how useless portable his but now he has rose to fame. Even the prettiest girl in my street dey fall for him. Treat people the way they treat you besides your families. and if you are feeling too sadly emotional, visit Gist Am frequently to read.

Anonymous

2 months ago

NigeriaLast activity 2 months ago

Been there, done that.

REWARD: hate, when you can no longer provide, abandonment.


Fact: you feel so lonely you are too scared to be alone, you do nor trust in yourself or your future. You have a fear you may one day need their help in return when they go above you in life.


Remedy: focus on yourself. Satisfy yourself and your thoughts first.


If you like yourself, never take the advice of some silly people on here and do the very right thing. People are going to soon start writing bull crap , stop being nice this and that... complete bullshit! never listen to people like those, keep being good.


I have paid house rent for someone , gotten admission for someone and paid fees, I have housed someone. I remember giving 50,000 some months back, only to run into challenges these days (as i lost my remote job and all) and the same people i did these things for , highest they could do, is to watch my status on whats app....


In fact they still do, does not change me from doing good. I just pray God will give me a heart to take care of everyone and make me very rich to help other people. If they ever take you for granted, its their own downfall... not yours! I have a girl i am asking out she wont accept, but she wants money... her sisters got so angry at her last time and she has stopped talking to me as well...


Heheheheh, guess what, she relegated herself to watching my status on whats-app and Facebook! Thats where she wants to be => A spectator! And that's where she is gonna be while i work my way back to the top. I am glad many of them put themselves as spectators and not partakers to success, so when things get better, we cannot be close, its the path they chose for themselves.


Let me leave with these last words, If you ever do something for someone and expect something in return, you have failed as a person. Good will find its way back one way or the very other, maybe not now...someday! God is not Dead!

Shalom


#GodIsNotDead

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