Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?

9 months ago4318 views

Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?

There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income. I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student without a strong source of income, but he would counter me saying that he can always start small and grow with his wife. Moreover when he gives birth he would have an investment. I've have another friend that was a classmate in secondary school, he graduated the year I got admission though he had some issues with his results. One day he called me that he's married and I was surprised, though he is an artisan into all those parapets and pop stuffs I know he wasn't financially buoyant enough to carry a family. The last time I visited him he was looking malnourished and unable to sort out his issues in school almost four years after because according to him any money that he gets already has a pending issue waiting for it. He's looking far older than his elder brother who's still single, he looks 38 when he's just 30. He consoled himself by telling me that even if he doesn't have money he already has two kids which he sees an investment and a great achievement. Meanwhile they are cramped into a single room apartment and none of the kids are enrolled in school. Last week while we were training in the evening, an argument broke out between two young guys. I was just by the side observing what was happening, I kept hearing stuffs like....why you dey argue with that guy? you no know say na person father he be? that guy don born two children o abi you think say e easy to born, na big achievement be that o. Now this is a guy that is about 25 years and has no sustainable means of income, he works in peoples farms and other menial jobs to make ends meet. My next door married neighbor has become a torn in my flesh, he's always borrowing from me without paying so it's obvious he's struggling financially, factor in the constant arguments with his wife due to shortage of funds all the time. I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of. I have no issues what so ever with how anyone choose to life their life but considering the economic condition of this country now bringing in kids without proper plans is not the way to go. If my dad had given birth to maybe 3 kids I'm sure he wouldn't be stressed out the way he is now and the resources used in training 8 kids would be better managed on just 3kids. Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate. Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

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Replies(11)

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

Yes! It's pretty much the basis of your existence so therefore it's an upmost achievement.

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Yes oooh a very big one at that

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

The problem with all of the characters in your narrative is that, if you are a blood relative to any of them, sooner or later you will be in trouble yourself.


They slowly but surely drag you into the cosmos of their lack and poverty. You find yourself making sacrifices or depriving yourself of things, just so you can help them, for the sake of their kids. I have a relative like this, with 5 children. If she is not calling about one financial issue or the other, her children are the ones calling.


It has reached a point where, when a call comes in and it's them, I mentally cringe and instantly feel stressed. Then my heart goes......kai ooo god, what is it now? Even before I answer the call.


This is a household of two parents, yet almost every bill payment, is becoming a matter of community effort, where other relatives have to contribute money, to bail them out. I gave up a chunk of money meant to replace my faulty washing machine, for their sake. I am still managing the faulty one, yet they called again after that, with another financial issue.


I am beginning to feel resentful towards this relative, because their life choices (she and her hubby) are negatively impacting me, whereas mine aren't. Some days I feel like, I wasn't there when you were straffing and conceiving these children, but now I am indirectly involved in their care and maintenance. In our old age, these children will cater to you first, not me!


If I am stranded and in need of 5k, I cannot get it from her. But, she has been a beneficiary of my goodwill for a while now, I am just tired! When people encourage unbridled breeding, in the name of children are a blessing, it really annoys me. Where is the blessing in 5 kids when you cannot feed or pay bills and you constantly have to tap others, to help you pay those bills?

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

Op, you sabi cho cho o! Only you with all these stories for children matter. Are you not also a shidren?


ahn ahn!!


Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?

Anonymous

9 months ago

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

I cannot safely say this to people that know me but I made the decision to be childfree a long time ago. Contrary to popular belief, I found my Soul mate with the same goals here in this country.


As unbelievable as it sounds, we both got sterilized before dating. We have some similar reasons for our choices but we also have some different reasons as well. All I know is that I cannot relive the mistakes and hardships of the people before me. Being cf, I can do more for my future nephews and nieces than being preoccupied with my own.


Like celibacy can be a calling for some people, parenthood isn't mine. I respect those who can and do so respectfully though... I was still a teen when I asked my mom to advise her friend to start family planning. That family had me worried with the way they kept having kids back to back while struggling to feed daily. Hearing about their situation constantly was disheartening. Somehow though, they always managed to make a new baby before the last one could start walking.


I have seen firsthand what poverty can do to a woman who becomes a single parent and have to cater for several children alone. I have lived through it. I have been playing the role of a second parent to my siblings for years. Even now I can't turn it off anymore. Funny thing is that they're somehow better adjusted adults than me. I can't play house anymore. Society be damned. I make my own choices now.

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

fyi:


A richman of 60yrs with no child.

And a 3rd world man of 60yrs with children.


No be mate.

#Ahamefula.

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

I once asked a married man that why rush to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of.


Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?

Anonymous

9 months ago

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

U have said it all,in fact, u laid it bar for everyone with sense to learn.

I am 38 years old guy with three children and I can tell u that,time is coming when a child would be bigger responsibility for most parents to care for. The economy is not getting better at all.


Just like u mentioned that u guys were ten in number,my dad had us 5 and I decided to trim mine to the exact number I can feed,educate and nurtured according to my investments and salary. U have been there and that is why u could talk with confidence about matters like this.


My advice is this:

Every man should endeavour to marry an industrious woman becauee the so called one income idea is no longer working for anyone especially now that no one can predicts the future financially. Save to invest and create additional income.

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

it's not honestly. It's not even money to take care of kids. My problem is my kids being Nigerian citizens. That is not an achievement!. I will cry myself everyday to sleep. Even dating is so expensive in Nigeria talk less of marriage. Just take a girl out and before you can say jack Robinson 20k is gone whereas me as a single guy will go out and have so much fun for 15k or even 10k. I really don't envy married men especially with all the nonsense I see around me.

Anonymous

2 months ago

PeopleLast activity 2 months ago

Even those that have children maltreat theirs in Nigeria.


Anambra commissioner rescues 17-year-old boy from abusive guardians


The Anambra State Commissioner for Women’s Affairs and Children’s Welfare, Mrs Ify Obinabo has rescued a 17-year-old boy from his abusive guardians.


Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?


Obinabo rescued the boy, after some individuals he contacted about his plight brought him to Awka from Onitsha.


The boy identified as Chikamnanyo Olisaemeka who hails from Nnewi, explained that his mother handed him over to his uncle in February this year, but since then his life hasn’t been the same.


Chikamnanayo stated that his uncle, Oluchukwu and his wife Ebere, usually starve him and on some days feeds him once a day.


“I have not been enrolled in any school since I came to Onitsha in February. My auntie, Ebere has the habit of beating me with sharp objects at the slightest provocation.”


Explaining the marks on his body, Chikamnayo said that it has become a norm for him to be severely punished with a heated electric iron when he does anything wrong.


Obinabo who spoke to journalists said Chikamnayo’s guardians would be charged to court and that boy has also been sent to an undisclosed hospital for medical attention.


Do You Think Having Children Is An Achievement?

Anonymous

9 months ago

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

I would not say it is an achievement but carrying a pregnancy and giving birth is hard work. At least for me. Some women claim it has been the most beautiful time of their lives. They are superwomen. I am not.


I see no problem in getting married early even though you are still building your life. You can build your lives together and support each other. But I would recommend those young couples to use family planning methods and wait with the kids until they can take care of them.

PeopleLast activity 9 months ago

It's a gift from God. Children are a gift from God. There are some people who even after efforts do not have children. I won't count it an achievement, but a gift. It's not luck, it's just grace.

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